Confession Listening

by Debbie Poer

When we think about confessions, we are most often thinking about our role as the person making a confession to God for a sin we have committed against Him or against another person. As the person making a confession, we are often confessing that sin to a friend or confidant, someone who will listen to our story, hear of our struggle, pray with us, and assure us that God does forgive us. But what if we are the person sitting with a friend or a family member as they confess their sin? 

Over the years as I have experienced listening to others struggle, sharing about a sin or stronghold in their life, hearing their confession and their asking for forgiveness I have come to realize as the person listening to a confession we seldom think about that role. And we most likely do not think about the responsibility we carry as we are that person. 

While Jesus is the only one who can forgive us of our sins, as Christ followers we can walk alongside someone who is struggling with sin or strongholds and be a listener, encourager, and prayer warrior. 

Here are a few things I’m learning as I sit in that position. 

I am a sinner forgiven. If I have not come to terms with my own sinful nature and if I have not or am not working through my own forgiveness from God I might be tempted to think of myself as superior to the person before me. How far from truth that is! I am a sinner forgiven.

I must be in regular conversation with God. If I am not faithful in my own prayer life – talking with and listening to God, others will not see God in me, and I will not bring His light to them. I must be in regular conversation with God. 

I must learn to be quiet. It is important to be a listener, not a talker. Listen deeply to what the person is saying. Speak only to ask clarifying questions. Wait silently for the person to be open to sharing their thoughts. It’s very important that I don’t try to pry something out that she/he is not ready to share. I must learn to be quiet. 

Set the cross between myself and the other person. In his book, Celebration of Discipline Richard J. Foster states, “This protects them from receiving merely human emotion from you and protects you from receiving any harmful influences from them. You are praying for them through the power of the cross.” I must set the cross between myself and the other person. 

Pray as the other person shares. As I listen I must continue praying for the person, but in a way not openly displayed. I should be praying for God to fully reveal where they need healing. I must pray as the other person shares. 

Pray for the person. More than talking over the situation with her/him I must pray healing of their wounds and the forgiveness that Jesus speaks of in John 20. I must pray for the person. 

If we develop the Discipline of confession – as the confessor and as the listener – think how strong the church will become because we have kept all eyes on Jesus, trusted him to forgive our sins and become changed people.