Cowhide of Unity
By Billy Strother
I have officiated weddings since 1984 … hard to believe 38 years of them. (Myself, I dread weddings and welcome funerals—I never had anyone complain at a funeral.) Every wedding has a goal of perfection, but seldom attains it. But all weddings are memorable for their spiritual beauty and imperfect challenges.
Common to many wedding ceremonies is an element of unity: a symbolic act demonstrating the joining of two into one, united for life. There is no one unity ceremony. Who hasn’t seen the unity candle—two individual candles taken by the bride and groom, who then light a single center candle together? In an old family tradition, I have seen handfasting: the right hands of the bride and groom are tied together during vow exchanges. Then there is the pouring of sand; two different colors and containers of sand are poured by bride and groom into a center glass to mix together in a now inseparable way (sometimes, color tinted glass beads are used). I have seen three strands of rope, braided by bride and groom, united and strengthened by the third rope, the Lord, in the marriage (Ecclesiastes 4:12). My lovely wife, Ms. Carol, and I added a unity ceremony into our own wedding. We took communion together during the wedding. And we did it the Bible way!—one loaf and one cup. There are many other unity ceremonies.
This month, a wedding in which I participated pulled a new one on me for a unity ceremony. In 38 years, I have never officiated a wedding with this particular unity ceremony and doubt I will ever see it again. The handsome groom and beautiful bride, two wonderful young adults who love the Lord, used for their unity ceremony a “unity branding.” Yes, a branding! There were two red hot branding irons there in the ceremony! No, they didn’t brand each other. They love Jesus and their country living (like my wife and I do). They had a decorative cow hide to hang on a wall in their home after the ceremony. Those two hot branding irons were the initials of their first names. Together, they live-branded that decorative cowhide with their initials. Now, on that newly branded cowhide, two have symbolically become inseparably one. I loved it.
Unity … we talk about it in the church. We talk about it as leaders. Unity remains elusive. Anything less than unity is just that, it’s less-than, less than what Jesus desires and prays for us.
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (John 17:20-23)
Unity happens by no accident. Unity, to be attained, must be pursued with passion as a priority for and by church leaders. How?
Pursue unity, not unanimity. What is known as the “Law of Unanimity” is the enemy of unity. What is the “Law of Unanimity?” It is a practice I have seen in congregations where no leadership decision or practice may be moved forward unless there is 100% unanimous consent. When a leadership team is dysfunctional, one voice may stop all action. Just one person can stall a decision. One dissenting voice plunges the team into inaction and ineffectiveness. Such a relational environment is unhealthy. Why? Because each of us is perfectly capable of brokenness or error. We lead as a team. There are times you and I may be in the minority on a decision in the team of leaders. Unity means we need to trust our fellow leaders as a team, because we each are capable of error at any given moment or on any given issue. We should be able to trust others in the leadership team and not hold up the team on a decision when most are ready to pursue a course of action. If we don’t trust each other but insist on unanimity, we are dysfunctional and we will be mired in indecision.
What if the Law of Unanimity was in place in Jesus’ ministry? Remember the story of the feeding of the 5,000+? Jesus wanted to feed them all. With some sarcasm, some of the Apostles disagreed. What if Jesus had gathered the Apostles in a special meeting and said, “We need to feed these people before they go. But all 13 of us must vote ‘yes’ and be unanimous in our vote to move ahead with the feeding.” Thousands of families would have gone home hungry. One of the most inspiring miracles would never have been recorded.
Never vilify voices of dissent. As Paul wrote, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood …” (Ephesians 6:12), which means no person is our enemy. He or she may be broken, but that person is never the enemy. When we treat (or talk about behind their back) persons of dissenting voices as less-than, we cast them as villains. Leaders diminish the perception of their compassion and leadership capital when they vilify dissenters. Yes, those in dissent may be wrong, but that does not make them an enemy.
Strive to listen rather than to be heard. Disagreement may oft find resolution with more listening than talking. Some people just need to talk out dissent; their primary need is to be heard. Listening communicates value. We all process, especially new ideas, at different rates. Listening affords the opportunity to hear hearts, not just ideas.
Listen for the voice of the One. As a team, in the end, there is only one voice that matters—Jesus’s voice. As leaders, we do not represent any church group or constituency. We represent only Jesus. In the end, we have to make decisions. As a team, we need only be asking, “What does Jesus desire?” The most important action we can take to pursue unity is to point all to Jesus and to listen for His voice.
Missionary, theologian, and author E. Stanley Jones wisely admonished, “Talk about what you believe and you have disunity; talk about Who you believe in and you have unity.”
