From Bag Lady to Daughter of the King
by Christina Bledsoe
The term “Bag Lady Syndrome” originated in the 1970s to describe middle aged women with the irrational fear of ending up destitute and on the streets. When I first heard the term and description, I felt seen and understood. Since my late 30s (hardly middle age), there has always been a constant rotation of “what-ifs.”
What if I lose my job? What if I get sick and cannot work? Who will take care of me if I get sick? What if my husband dies and I’m a widow? What if I’m homeless and must live on the streets pushing all my earthly belongings in a stolen Walmart shopping cart to my home under the bridge?
I’ve always been a saver. I never used my rainy-day fund because I was afraid of a monsoon and wanted to be prepared for every possible thing that could go wrong. I shop at Aldi, use coupons whenever possible and consider paying full price an insult to my intelligence. I’ve met with financial planners who told me I was playing it too safe but was always skeptical when they told me I should trust them and hand over access to my accounts.
In the Fall of 2015, Gary Johnson gifted each member of The Creek with a copy of his book “Too Much – Living with Less in the Land of More.” The book reviews 4 principles of money: gratitude, contentment, trust, and humility. I was coasting along and reading the gratitude and contentment chapters and was confident I had a handle on those principles, but the chapter on trust stopped me. On page 58, he asks “When will we begin trusting our Creator?” I can’t explain why, but that question stuck with me.
You may be reading this and thinking that someone so tight with money couldn’t possibly be generous. Quite the opposite, I was taught as a child that 100% of my earthly possessions come from the Father. My mother and grandmother modeled tithing, and I have no hesitation in tithing to my church and giving generously to organizations close to my heart.
So why the disconnect? How does a woman with self-diagnosed Bag Lady Syndrome reconcile the extravagant love and care she has received from her heavenly Father and still not trust Him to provide? Answer: I never had the opportunity to fully rely on God. Instead, I relied on my work ethic, grit, and the number on my bank statement to feel safe.
In June of 2022, after 26 years of working full time, I made the decision to step away from my career. I was exhausted, burnt out and knew there had to be more to life than work. After leaving my job, I spent five months in a state of confusion. I was fearful I hadn’t saved enough and terrified I’d made a huge mistake and would run back to my boss and beg for my job.
I wish I could say my transformation from bag lady to daughter of the King was instant, but nothing worth doing ever comes quick and easy. Over the course of the past 18 months, I’ve slowly accepted that I am safe. The same God who knows when a sparrow falls (Matthew 10:29) is the same God I count on to relax my anxious mind as it wanders when I should be sleeping.
“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” Psalm 20:7
