Surrendering All
by Christina Bledsoe
All to Jesus I surrender,
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
Growing up in the Church of God, this was one of my favorite hymns. We sang it regularly during altar calls and I vividly recall the chorus reverberating through my soul the year my life changed at church camp. So, it came as no surprise when the song popped into my head the night before my husband’s open-heart surgery.
As I restlessly waited for daylight, I found myself an anxious mess. I prayed what felt like the same prayer over and over:
“I Surrender All” first publication, 1896, Sebring Publishing; image now in public domain (from Wikimedia Commons).
“Heavenly Father, please be with my husband and the medical team during surgery. Thank you for modern medicine, diagnostic tools, and technology. I know you are in control, and I know you are good. Thank you for the life and marriage you have blessed me with but please do not take my husband.”
Eight hours of tossing and turning wore out my spirit and I admit I allowed very dark thoughts to enter my brain. The surgeon had reviewed the risks of surgery: blood loss, stroke, blood clots, organ damage, infection. What if my husband does not make it through surgery? What if there are complications? Would I still be able to sing:
I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all.
Eyes open, staring at the ceiling in my bedroom and dreading yet another day at the hospital, I knew my prayer had to change. I had to put my faith ahead of my fear and practice submission and full surrender to the will of God. But how? How could I remove the “but” from my honest prayer? This was my husband, his life, our future at stake. I wanted complete healing and nothing less.
In Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster, he writes that “every discipline has a corresponding freedom. What freedom corresponds to submission? It is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way.”
Surrendering/submitting my need to have my way does not mean wanting a less than successful surgical outcome. It simply means that whatever the outcome, positive or not, I will continue to submit to the will of God. If surgery goes well, God is good. If surgical outcomes are less than ideal, God is good. Even if (gulp), my husband does not make it through surgery, God is still good, and I will still submit to Him and His plan for my life.
I would be lying if I told you I walked into the hospital in full submission to God. I am human. However, being free from the need to have things my way and submitting to the sovereignty of God is the greatest form of trust. I am confident my prayers for a spirit of submission provided me with the strength to make it through this terrifying ordeal.
In this scenario, God answered my prayers exactly as requested. On September 19, 2024, my husband survived triple bypass surgery and is recovering better than expected. I am thankful and relieved for this outcome and grateful I serve a God who allows me to see the lessons, even when I lack the discipline of submission. My heart and soul continue to sing “I Surrender All.”
