Friendship Threads

by Chris Collins

Early in our marriage we moved from Kentucky to Indiana for my husband’s job as minister at a new church. As we crossed over the Ohio River bridge, I was suddenly aware the radio was playing “…And Friends are Friends forever, if the Lord’s the Lord of them…” Thanks for nothing Michael W. Smith!

I cried my eyes out alone, as I drove with my 2-year-old fast asleep in her car seat, following my husband in the giant U-Haul with our other two little girls and every single one of our perfectly packed possessions. We didn’t leave anything behind, except ALL our friends and family. We had said goodbye to so many - ministry friends who were trusted confidants and prayer warriors, our dearest friends with whom we spent free time, my husband’s best friend and wife from high school, and my closest girlfriend from Bible college. We lived together and had learned to be adults together – how to be married, how to pay bills and do laundry, and how to get all our kids to church on time. Or at least try. These people shared in our personal victories and knew our deepest heartaches. We were now separated from the friends we had literally believed would always be with us and for us. It was a very, very long bridge.  

After we settled into the new ministry our lives were so busy at church and with our own little family. There were many wonderful new friends that God brought into our lives, but unfortunately investing in the cherished friendships of our younger days lost priority. Simply the thought of a five-hour trip back to visit was exhausting. There weren’t many calls anymore and cards didn’t get sent very often. Back then facetiming and texting were only in the cartoons of the Jetsons. Over the years of transitions and busyness we stopped going to homecoming events, stopped making plans for joint vacations, and reached out less and less. Kids grew, schedules got busier, and lives went in such different directions that eventually some friendships drifted apart and some disconnected altogether. It’s embarrassing and sad that we allowed this to happen.  

Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but there are definitely things we would do differently to keep our friendship ties strong if we were able to go back and cross that bridge again, but at this point beating ourselves up for those choices isn’t helpful.  

I’m convinced scenarios like this are familiar to many because all it takes is a death in your circle of friends or your family and the sentence comes out of someone’s mouth every single time: “Why does it take a funeral to bring us back together?”   

Recently I ran across a book that touched on this very thing. (What are the odds?) The author seems to have had a similar experience. She writes, “The threads of communication had snapped, and we had spun completely out of each other’s orbits.” Great description. She tells of a cherished friendship lost that got a second chance when a whim of decisive action led her to pick up the phone and make that call. “Sometimes it’s possible to go back and pick up a thread that leads you to a strand that can take you to a remnant of strings still tied to the heart of someone you lost.” Her reconnection attempt was well received and took hold. The two friends decided to hang on to each other better this time. 

Reading this story was inspiring and God instantly brought to mind actual names of friends I missed from all those years ago. The comfort, joy, trust, and loyalty of those friendships filled my heart with a warmth that longed for reconnection. It was only a short time later I learned of the unexpected death of the mother of my once-inseparable college friend. This was the opportunity to show her I still loved her, and I was sorry, and hadn’t forgotten our beautiful friendship. I sent several messages and then a card of sympathy and prayers with sweet memories of her mom. In closing I wrote how sorry I was that we had lost so many years, but forever thankful the friendship God had given was not lost.  

So, what do we do now?  

Has God brought to your mind names of friends you have let go?  

It’s no accident. God has plans.  

Is there anyone you need to tell that you still love them? 

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 

Is there anyone you need to thank for their friendship and encouragement in the past?  

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3-6   

Is there anyone you are supposed to encourage? 

Consider how we may spur one another on… Hebrews 10: 24   

Encourage and build one another up. 1 Thessalonians 5:11   

Is there anyone you need to apologize to or forgive for something that damaged your friendship? 

Love…does not demand its own way, and…keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5 

Be kind to each other, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ. Ephesians 4:32

Is there anyone you’ve been avoiding just because it will be awkward? 

Love…is not proud. Love… always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 4, 7 

As for me, I’ve been convicted to rebuild stronger friendships with the names God placed on my heart. 

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Footnote for book reference: 

I’m Not Suffering from Insanity…I’m enjoying Every Minute of It! By Karen Scalf Linamen, pp 16-17