Stronger Faith = Stronger Marriage
by Leslie Daniel
My husband and I have spent many hours in marriage mentoring. Why? Well, we believe communication is key to a strong marriage, and an even stronger faith! Believe me when I say it’s not always been easy. We are both in full time ministry in our local body. I am on staff with Women’s Ministry and Dave is an Elder. That combination alone is reason enough to be in therapy, but we are actually the ones coaching others.
Our background in ministry, seeking to grow in our own marriage, and our availability to others, has brought us to where we are today. Which is spending many hours with couples encouraging them to grow closer to God and equipping them with communication tools. We firmly believe these actions will lead them to a stronger faith as they grow in their marriage. Often, we are successful, but sometimes we aren’t.
Sometimes, a couple’s issues go beyond our skillset. When we encounter these situations, we are quick to recognize them, and refer the couple to a professional with more experience in those areas. We also make it very clear that marriage is never an avenue for either spouse to inflict physical or emotional harm on the other. These sorts of situations are heartbreaking, but we know if the couple will get the help needed, and lean into God, He will be faithful.
I can’t lie, it’s not always easy. As a matter of fact, there have been sessions where I did not “feel” like I had anything to offer. I felt like I had used all my spiritual tools already…just on daily work! I had let someone or some situation steal my joy already. I’m sure you have heard this before, but it warrants repeating. Sometimes I fall prey to H.A.L.T.! I become Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. When I feel drained, I try to HALT and check to see if these may be impacting me. It’s never a good way to start a session, and it can sabotage everything. In complete transparency, and with some embarrassment, I admit there have been times I forget. During those times I can barely tolerate sitting beside the one I call husband during a mentoring session. But because I know our Heavenly Father is a loving and patient God, I’ve been able to put aside my feelings (which aren’t always right) and speak only what God has shown me about how to love one another. It’s funny, but I always come away from those times thinking, “I got way more out of that session than the couple we are supposed to be helping did.” Isn’t that just like God? There He goes, teaching me, when I think I’m supposed to be the one teaching!
I think I have grown, but like everyone, I’ve got a way to go. Jesus is faithful, and often He nudges me. Sometimes He does it through the people in my life, and at other times through Scripture. For example, one of my favorite people taught me to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 by removing the word “love” and inserting my name in its place.
Leslie is patient. Leslie is kind. Leslie doesn’t envy, Leslie doesn’t boast, Leslie is not proud. She is not rude, she is not self-seeking, she is not easily angered, Leslie keeps no record of wrong…
You get the idea. It’s not a cure all by any means, but it is a good reminder of what God expects of us, and Jesus exemplifies. Scripture is edifying and comforting too. A passage I cling to in tough moments is Psalm 66:17-20. “I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!”
I love our marriage because we both know we need Jesus. Neither of us is always right, but we know the One who is never wrong. That is the key to a strong marriage and an even stronger faith!
