Building a Godly Family in an Ungodly World
by Kaylene & Ken Idleman
The most important God-ordained institution in time and space is the family. It is not the government, as critical as the government is to order a civil society. It is not the church, as vital as the church is to elevate both abundant and eternal life. The deepest experiences and highest joys in life are meant to be experienced in the context of Christian marriage and in the process of rearing a Christian family. Although it is God’s plan that the family should be the setting for life’s best, many homes today do not appear to be like paradise. They more closely resemble Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park, a place intended for fulfillment and pleasure that has gone wrong and instead has become a place of fear, hurt and suffering.
Perhaps this is why it is imperative that the elders who oversee and shepherd the local church are determined by God’s Word to be solid family men, spiritual leaders in their own households.
In 1 Timothy 3:4-5 the Apostle Paul writes about an overseer, an elder, that “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)” (NIV).
In Titus 1:6 Paul insists that “An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient” (NIV).
There is a Psalm in the wisdom literature of the Old Testament that gives us some help in understanding how the home is to be built. Psalm 127 provides the foundational spiritual counsel we need to lead out in building a godly family in an ungodly world.
The Construction of the Home - Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain (verse 1). Our homes are to be built in substantive partnership with our Heavenly Father. The home cannot be successfully built by human intuition or secular education. God has to build your family if your family is going to thrive. Now there are many good books on the family these days, but the best one is the Bible. Many today are holding seminars, producing material and programs. Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil are saying some good things, but the best information we will learn about the family comes from God. And if you were building a physical house you would want to employ the best architect and contractor you could afford. To have a home built on the solid Rock you need a Divine blueprint, a Master Builder. The Lord God has been the positive builder of the family from the Garden of Eden forward into the 21st century. But in recent years, as God has become more marginalized in our culture, we have seen changes, but not for the better. According to The State of Our Unions, a publication of the National Marriage Project, only 63% of American children grow up with both biological parents, the lowest percentage among western nations. And although the divorce rate in the U.S. has declined over the past 25 years, that is offset by the even greater decline in the marriage rate. Instead of marriage, couples are living together. Yet cohabiting couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples. Co-author of the study, David Popenoe, writes, “Cohabitation is here to stay, and it is not good news, especially for children. As society shifts from marriage to cohabitation you have an increase in family instability…the United States has the weakest families in the Western world.” It is vital that parents renew a substantive partnership with the Lord in order to experience the security and satisfaction of family life.
The Conservation of the Home - Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain (verse 1). A city is a collection of homes/families. So, God is saying, “I must not only construct, but I must also protect your home.” Our marriages and families need the protection of the omnipotent God in this generation. There are some destructive influences out there today threatening Godly families. Here are three:
Society's preoccupation with sex - In the late ‘60s we began to hear the expression “free love.” With the new century the due bill has come in on our sensually defined view of “love.” Abortion, the divorce rate, child neglect and abuse, homosexuality and lesbianism, pedophilia, gender dysphoria and over 50 sexually transmitted diseases are all evidence that immorality is causing us to come apart in our homes, our cities, and our nation.
Society's obsession with self - We are constantly encouraged to be self-absorbed and self-indulgent people. Over time we have evolved into a generation of shameless narcissists. But marriages and families cannot survive, let alone thrive, if they are populated with selfish people, especially selfish parents who routinely put their own desires ahead of their children’s spiritual and emotional needs.
Society's fascination with screens - There are now more televisions than people in the average American home according to Neilson Media Research. Moreover, 97% of Americans have a cell phone, the vast majority of which are smart phones. People have their faces buried in a screen the majority of the time. And today there are literally hundreds of television channels available from satellite, cable, and streaming sources. In addition, now we have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tik Tok consuming hours of our time daily. So, you must control the screens, or they will control you. Life is better with less television/computer/cell phone screen access and more relational interaction and interpersonal communication with our nuclear family and good friends.
The Children of the Home - Children are a reward from the Lord (verse 3). The Psalmist here reminds us of the desirability of children. Children are a blessing, not a burden. Children do not make a rich man poor. Children make a poor man rich! Every time we open our cell phone photos or pass our refrigerator with its display of the 23 [and counting…] souls we call our nuclear family, we are reminded that we are multi-millionaires. Then the Psalmist also impresses on us the directability of children. They are like arrows that should be sharpened, straightened and pointed the right direction – then released and propelled into a God-honoring future. We direct them while we can because the day will come, all too soon, when they will be gone and then it will be too late. Remember: you can’t make them perfect. After all, your parents failed “perfect” with you and our parents failed “perfect” with us! But if you faithfully pursue rearing them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord giving them the benefit of your example, if you raise them in a Bible preaching/teaching church, they will be powerfully influenced by God’s values and truth. Our God-honoring marriages and families will be a strong positive witness in both the secular and faith communities.
While we drive from place to place this summer, and as we see construction taking place all around us, let’s be reminded that the greatest “construction investment” that we can make is in the making of stronger marriages and families.
