Friends Like Buffalo
by Jared Johnson
Friend: one connected by caring emotion or esteem
~ Merriam Webster[1]
“I care what happens to you.” That’s what a friend says and thinks.
As a comfortable introvert, I can o so easily not say or think that. But the better off we are financially and materially, the more we tend to insulate from both the natural world and from other people – pavement & privacy fences. When one of our kids was a toddler I’d offer him help – with the fridge, a toy, opening the car door – but he’d say “I do my big self!” Jesus said we’re sheep. So why do we think we can act like moose – tough and independent, temperamental and moody in our supposed “vigilance,” doing it all by our big selves?
Most of the time in Christian circles we’re encouraged and admonished “be like Jesus.” Today, I think I can honestly say “be like buffalo.”
Most herbivores are herding animals. Solitary herbivores are the exception (moose, tortoises, gophers, red and giant pandas, sea turtles, rhinos). But among herding animals, African Cape Buffaloes are something else. Most herding herbivores simply scatter when predators attack. Cape Buffaloes defend their herd mates and often turn the moment offensively against their attackers. They live in small herds of about 15-20 (larger herds on TV shows only come together for certain occasions) and have often been called “black death” and “widow maker;” one National Geographic piece said a buffalo is “a temperamental tank to anything that bothers it.” [2] If an attacker – lion, leopard, even a person – jumps into the “safety” of a tree, buffaloes have been known to loiter for hours under that tree, waiting for revenge. (So we don’t need to be like buffalo in that way, but hey, no metaphor’s perfect.)
Buffaloes live in groups of 15-20. Jesus recruited 12 to be with Him day-in and -out for 3 years. British sociologist Robin Dunbar has been studying the quantities and qualities of human relationships since the 90s and he puts most people’s capacity for close friends at 15.[3] Jesus had His inner circle of James, Peter and John and Dunbar’s work bears that out; we tend to have just 1 or 2 intimate relationships (no that doesn’t equal ‘sexual’), with 4 or 5 very close friends.
Buffaloes know what’s happening with their “friends.” We “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” (Rom 12.15). We join our friends in the highs and lows of their lives.
Buffaloes defend their herd mates and push back against outside threats. Paul told the Galatian Christians that when “another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path … shar[ing] each other’s burdens…” (Gal. 6.1-2). When a friend, especially a Christian friend, is suffering under the burden of this world gone wrong, it is our problem.
Buffaloes are hard to isolate, but that’s what it takes for a predator to bring down an animal. It’s outright disturbing to see an impala, wildebeest, whatever, laying on the ground, panting from the chase and looking around, all while a bloody-faced predator crouches over its back, chewing and ripping away. That’s exactly what the evil one wants to do to you and I.
With Christian brothers and sisters proactively watching our backs (sides, fronts, tops…), the enemy has much less opportunity to wreak that havoc. Friendship requires proximity, and simple proximity can create friendship. We’re told as much about our relationship with God. Jesus said it as “abide in Me” (John 15.4). Jesus’s ½-brother James said it this way: “come close to God and God will come close to you” (James 4.8).
To whom are you connected by caring emotion? To whom might you need or want to be connected by caring emotion? We can’t be connected to everyone. Jesus is infinite; I am not. But more often than not, being friendly and being a friend will improve the other person’s day and when, in my introversion, I don’t want to do it, the Spirit of God enables that encouraging connection to happen.
I’m a poor friend. I let time and routine grow the distance between old friends and myself. I greatly appreciate what Chris Collins wrote last week about deliberately reconnecting. Thank God the quality of friendships here-and-now depends on Him and not on me! The Kingdom is already among us (Luke 17.21) and He runs His Kingdom, even down to the moment-to-moment interactions. I remember hearing this idea years ago and it was a good reminder: friendship is additive, not exclusive. Romantic intimacy must be exclusive; that’s how God designed us to work in His world. But He designed friendship to be additive. If I think [person] can only be my friend, that confuses and muddies the way God’s made it to work and I can/should trust the process; that when someone is added to the relational mix, the dynamic among us will be enriched, not diminished. Assuming it’ll be diminished simply belies my self-centered worldview.
I want to part with a story from my friend David.
He was an elder at my home church for about 25 years. For a few years, David paid his bills working in realty. He’d recently moved on from it to work with a faith-based seminary but was helping to finish off a still-outstanding file. David told me he was on the phone with a prospective home buyer and they expressed reluctance to purchase a home in an older neighborhood with smaller square footage; they wanted enough bedrooms for each kid to have their own and the space to spread out. This house David was talking about, though, would require – here it is – proximity. David told me he was on his mobile, standing on a corner, and I’ll spare you all the details, but suffice to say he immediately rattled off about half a dozen names of childhood friends, while looking at the very houses where they grew up, along with the number of siblings in each household. David told this prospective buyer about all the accomplishments of his friends after they’d grown up in close quarters (VP at this big-name company, Division 1 athlete, legislator, business owner, scientist, and on and on the list went). And that wasn’t even the end of it – when I asked, David knew their current stories!
Friendship is caring, connecting emotion. Friendship requires proximity. Friendship is enabled by the Spirit. Friendship gets and stays involved. Friendship enriches other relationships.
“What a friend we have in Jesus” … and also “be like buffalo.”
[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/friend
[2] https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/facts/african-buffalo
[3] https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/05/robin-dunbar-explains-circles-friendship-dunbars-number/618931/
