Friendship Among Men
by Gary Johnson
Some years ago, a football coach was in the middle of a terrible season. It became so bad that it upset his home life, and the coach told his wife, "My dog is my only friend, but a man needs at least two friends.” His wife bought him another dog!
We need friends. While growing up, it’s easy to make friends through sports, outdoor activities, etc. But, when we finish school, we enter the stage of life known as “hunting and gathering.” We become focused on providing for our families. We’re busy establishing our careers, starting a family, putting down roots, buying a house, and more. At this stage in life, we have little or no margin for developing deep friendships with other men and may even think that such friendships are not necessary. However, that thinking is far from reality.
Throughout Scripture, we read of men doing life with one another – and in robust relationships. Consider Moses and Joshua, Elijah and Elisha, Jonathan and David, Jesus and His disciples, Paul and Barnabas, Paul and Timothy, etc. The list is long. Do we have such a list in our lives?
What if each of us had a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabas: an older man to mentor us, a younger man to mentor, and a friend who is an encourager?
There is a mystery to male friendship. We want close friends, but we are not willing to invest in friendships that produce closeness. We want the approval of other men, yet we fear conversations that can enable us to become more like Jesus.
Five BARRIERS Between Christian Men
We are INHIBITED towards Showing Emotion
Real men don't cry, yet Jesus cried—twice! (Luke 19:41, John 11:35). Real men don’t embrace, yet the father embraced his prodigal son when he returned home (Luke 15:20). We have been made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27), and God is emotional, and often expressed His emotions in Scripture. Do we look like a “chip off the old block?”
We have the INABILITY to Enjoy Interaction
When we get together for a meal, we often have an agenda—a reason for breakfast or lunch. How often do we simply get together for some fun?
We are INCLINED to Compete
We must win at all costs. Why? We hate to lose at anything. The Late Vince Lombardi said, “Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.” This often spills over into the realm of money and the things that money can buy: having a bigger house, the newer car/truck, most expensive “toys,” etc.
We are INCAPABLE of Asking for Help
We are taught from an early age to never depend on anyone for anything. Many men struggle with male friendship because their fathers taught them strict independence.
We have INADEQUATE Role Models
Who are the male role models in your life? A father threw his son into a lake from the end of a dock and yelled at him to swim. His son did not learn how to swim that day. Rather, he learned not to ever trust his father. Many men have had inadequate role models in that their fathers and other significant males in their lives were friendless.
Five BONDS Between Christian Men
Stronger Friendships are Christ-Centered.
Paul urged us to be equally yoked in key relationships (2 Corinthians 6:14), and when Christ is at the center of our closest friendships, such relationships are stronger.
Stronger Friendships are Trustworthy.
A friend is to stick closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Only with the passing of time can we build trust in friendships. David experienced the emotional pain of betrayal (Psalm 55:12-14). And we know that Jesus was betrayed! Loyalty is non-negotiable.
Stronger Friendships are Truthful.
We must speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Strong bonds are built through honest, candid conversation. When we deliberately speak at deeper, transparent levels of conversation, robust brotherhood is experienced. Remember that "faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6) and that “many advisors make victory sure” (Proverbs 11:14).
Stronger Friendships are Caring.
When Paul rejected John Mark as a part of their mission team, Barnabas took the young man under wing and went home with him to Cyprus (Acts 15:39). Could it be that we have the Gospel of Mark because Barnabas did not let young John Mark become a victim of “church conflict?” When King Saul sought to kill David, Jonathan confronted his father’s hateful attitude and actions towards David and never abandoned his friend.
Stronger Friendships are Spirit-Filled.
When we were immersed, two things happened: our sins were forgiven, and we received the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38). We have the Spirit, but does the Spirit have us? Have we surrendered to the Holy Spirit, God in our skin? Are we relying on His strength to transform our friendships that are God-honoring?
Never forget – no man is an island. We ARE better together.
