“I Call You Friends”
by Billy Strother
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:10
Friendships Old
One of my closest friends just retired from full-time ministry last fall, 30 plus years as the senior leader leading a rural church into amazing growth, Jim Cain. We do not get to see one another very often; he lives in Indiana and I now live in Missouri. Since graduating high school, I have lived most of my professional life away from where I grew up. Jim and I met on the very first day of the first grade in elementary school. We graduated high school together. Our mothers had the freedom to yell at either of us anytime we needed it. We fought together, fished together, did good and questionable things together, but were mostly always together. Jim was the one who got me to church and to be baptized in high school. His spiritual influence on me is immeasurable.
After high school, I joined the US Army and went to Europe. Five years after we graduated high school, Jim and I became 23-year-old freshmen at Cincinnati Bible College. After graduation, Jim went back home to Indiana for his lifetime of ministry. I have pretty much spent the majority of my ministry, save for a few years, away from my home to preach and teach.
Though we are actually only physically present together, if we are lucky, one time every few years, no matter the geographical distance, we remain as close as ever. When we are together, it is like we have not been apart. And in any crisis, we would be there for one another regardless of the hurdles to proximity.
One of the co-founders of e2, Dr. Jim Estep, and I met in 1981 on the first day of registration as freshmen at Cincinnati Christian University. We hit it off so well, we have been close friends ever since. Two years ago, Jim came up with the idea of celebrating our 40th “friendiversary” (a word I never heard before). So, he convinced me to travel from north central Missouri to Richmond, VA, to attend ICOM (International Conference on Missions) by train on AMTRAK. We rode two days there in a sardine can called a sleeper room, and two days back. It was the most miserable travel experience of my life; but for Jim, it was euphoric. We had two different experiences. But, in the end, he genuinely enjoyed the four days traveling and the slow hours of potential derailment and dismemberment. And in the end, I was genuinely happy for him that he had such a great time—I enjoyed him enjoying the experience. (But I will never travel with him on AMTRAK ever again!)
As a preacher and professor who, under the Lord’s guidance, has been called to change geographical locations during decades of ministry, I have had the joy of gaining a large number of friends I would never have discovered staying in one location. There are elders from decades ago with who I am still close, close friends with whom I have hunted and fished, and leaders with whom I have prayed, played, and studied.
I am rich by being deeply enriched by all of those friendships.
Friendships New
Do I have enough friends? Yes, probably more than enough for me. But friendship is not always, or especially, about yourself. Friendship is best understood not about what you receive, but in what you give of yourself. Proverbs 17:17 reads, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Three years in Missouri teaching at Central Christian College of the Bible has provided me the opportunity for new friendships among my peers with whom I serve. As church leaders, we get so involved in our religious responsibilities that we fail to carve out time to be rightly accused, like Jesus, as being a “friend of sinners.” I have fought to make that investment, not always succeeding. For now, I have a few new non-Christian friends to whom I am trying to give some of myself: the plumber whose hobby is repairing and collecting a few vintage vehicles; the two old farmer brothers who repair old Ford tractors and keep mine going; and the newest, a retired neighbor down the road who, according to reports, does not like anybody (but we get along well). I would love to see them give themselves to Jesus that we might be friends forever. Love from Jesus made Jesus my friend. I am praying that loving them will help them find Jesus’ love. “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command” (John 15:12-14).
The Two Most Important Friendships
My second most important friendship is with my lovely wife, Ms. Carol. (We use the moniker “Ms.” in the deep south—she was born and raised in Chattanooga—as a term of endearment and honor.) Ms. Carol and I agreed nearly 26 years ago, soon after our nuptials, to seek to be each other’s best friend for life. Yes, we could have many other friends; but if we strive to be each other’s best friend (to treat each other with greater kindness, love, and grace than to all of our other friends), our marriage would honor the Lord. And it has proved true . . . Ms. Carol and I are unapologetically one another’s best friend. That model has helped us through great difficulties and has amplified our joy.
Of course, as Christian leaders, our most important friendship, our greatest friendship investment, is our friendship with Jesus. In John 15:15, Jesus defined our relationship with him as friendship: “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Have you thought through your friendship with Jesus?
What a friend we have in Jesus. What a friend in Jesus we can be to others: our spouse, our children, people we do church with, our professional peers, and persons who are yet to experience the grace of Jesus.
