Soul Care - Forgiveness
by Mary Elsbury
Who hasn’t been hurt by the words or actions of another? Maybe you were called names or constantly criticized while growing up. Maybe you were a victim of physical or emotional abuse at the hands of someone close to you.
As a clinician, I counseled many individuals that were wounded and had feelings of anger and bitterness. Allowing people to vent lessened their hurts but some refused to forgive, choosing to hold on to resentments. Forgiveness was always the key.
Forgiveness is defined as “the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.” It means different things to different people. Generally, it involves a personal decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. It helps lower stress and anxiety levels, it helps foster a stronger immune system, it improves heart health and self-esteem. But that process doesn’t happen overnight.
While in college I met and dated a great guy. We attended church and Bible studies and dreamed about a long life together. We married in 1978 and our daughter was born in 1980. Things were going well, or so I thought. My husband was living a lie. He decided to pursue a homosexual lifestyle. I was devastated. I could not understand how he could do such a thing, not only to me but my daughter. We got a divorce in 1985. I was a single mom taking care of a 5-year-old. It was a blow to my ego, to my health, to my finances. I went through years of counseling. It took me 20 years to finally tell him that I forgave him and mean it.
The word “forgive” appears 127 times in the Bible (in NASB, at least). From Genesis to Revelation, God’s Word gives us examples and exhortations to extend grace. We are all sinners. We have all messed up, yet God sent His Son Jesus, so that we could have eternal life. While being ridiculed and beaten, Jesus prayed “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34).” The Psalmist tells us, “For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you (Psalm 86:5).”
One Scripture that had a profound impact on my life is found in James 5:16 where we are told, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed…” I had to pray for my ex-husband so that I could be healed. I had to forgive so that I could be healed. It wasn’t easy. I still struggle with resentment at times. Having regular quiet times and studying the Word have kept me sane. Being reminded of Jesus on the cross and extending forgiveness…Who am I to not extend that same grace to someone who has hurt me?
