Stronger Because of Admonishment
by Mike Killebrew
When I came home last night and saw that my 16-year-old son had cut the grass, my assumption was that my wife had instructed him to do so. As it turned out, he had noticed it needed to be done and took the initiative without any prompting. I wish you could see the smile on my face. This is assuredly a “proud dad moment” for me but I was reminded about a prior moment of “admonishment” a few years ago regarding his attitude about this very issue.
My son was 12 years old when I started seriously teaching him to use the riding mower. He had ridden on my lap many times on the zero-turn mower as a little man, but I was now training him to mow on his own. He was ready. He understood how to operate our 60” commercial mower and more importantly, I was comfortable that he could do it safely. It was time for him to take a turn and mow the entire yard for the first time, on his own. An important detail in this story is that I’ve always enjoyed mowing. So, because of how much I loved cutting the grass, I was expecting him to be excited about my assignment but instead, he complained. It surprised me, but not enough to prevent me from giving him an appropriate response. At this point my fatherly instincts kicked into a full blown “admonishment moment.” Looking back, it’s a fond parenting memory. Lovingly, I told him he had played his cards all wrong! I shared with him how much I enjoyed mowing, but that I valued a son who would contribute to the tasks around the house with a helpful attitude even more so. I advised and warned him of the pitfalls of that attitude and how it was ultimately not God honoring. Additionally, I informed him that mowing was now his permanent responsibility.
To his credit, he received the admonishment well and I have not heard him complain about mowing since that moment. He has done exceptionally well with this responsibility over the last 5 seasons. I can even push back my “lawn mowing pride” and say he is better at it than me. Not only has he taken it upon himself to keep the yard looking nice, but he has also benefitted from this responsibility. When our yard gets complimented, he gets pointed at and praised. Additionally, he has also had some neighbors with large yards recognize his skill and work ethic, hiring him to mow for them. It has been good for him.
As I reflect on that experience with my son, I can also remember moments in which someone has loved me enough to speak up and give me some “high octane encouragement.” I’m grateful to the Lord that I have received admonishment in my past, I have stories of how my parents lovingly directed my mind and actions towards correction. Not only my parents but all my family, my siblings, my wife, and some in my church family have admonished me, pointing me towards a better way. I’m forever grateful for some of those moments that have sharpened me, making me a better husband, father, and coworker for Christ.
Against a current culture of “love means you will accept me for who I am and never question me,” the Bible teaches of a deeper way to love. I’m amazed at how cheap “accept me for who I am” can be when you contemplate its motivation. It is a weak, non-biblical, non-caring, response. In the Bible, love does not dismiss sin or wrong thinking. It’s the opposite. In Scripture we see that we all need forgiveness from our sins, through Jesus. However, it is because of God’s love for his creation that He clearly explains that genuine love cannot turn a blind eye to sin, it must rejoice with the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6).
The word admonish is only used eight times in the New Testament—all by Paul (7 times in his Epistles; 1 time in Acts)—the word “admonish” (νουθετέω) is a unique instruction for us to follow. While only commanded as “admonish one another” in two places (Romans 15:14 and Colossians 3:16), the command is implied in all its uses, with special consideration for leaders. I think we can easily infer that leadership in the home is of great importance and begs us to ask the question, how are we creating a culture of biblical admonishment in our homes? Fathers and mothers as leaders in the home, we should ask, are we carefully and lovingly admonishing each other and our children to become a stronger family?
Admonishment in any context is important and I would suggest it is a crucial part of creating a stronger home. Our homes need be an environment that loves enough for each member of the family to pursue and receive biblical admonishment. It’s important to have people around who are willing to speak up, to instruct, advise, and warn. The home is exactly where it should take place. I’m not going to love my kids or my wife or my church family simply for “who they are,” especially if “who they are” is not what the Word of God is calling them to be. I’m going to try my best to love them enough to give them gentle reproof, I’m going to counsel them to adjust their thinking. Then I will do anything I can do to help them go down a better path. I’m also going to trust that they will do the same for me.
In Colossians 3:16, Paul writes “Let the word of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.” Paul instructs us to admonish one another, and to do so with great tact. Let’s consider four ways that we can go about this in a healthy way.
Use Scripture! If we are gently correcting someone it must be based on the authority of God’s word. Paul tells us clearly, “let the word of Christ dwell among you richly.” This is a must for biblical admonishment. Scripture-based admonishment is like antibacterial cream on a wound. We don’t know exactly how it works; we just know it does. Just as we would take care of our children’s wound by dressing it carefully, we gently apply admonishment by using word of God.
Check your motives. We need to make sure we are doing so with the purpose of growing each other towards Christ. When Christlikeness is our “why” it will assuredly be received in a meaningful way. You’ll know your motives are where they should be when you have gratitude to God for the opportunity.
Recognize it’s hard. Biblical admonishment is being willing to speak up. You’ll know it’s the right thing to do because it’s hard. Be sure to ask the Lord for wisdom, it will be needed.
Create a culture of healthy admonishment by being willing to receive. Paul uses the phrase “one another.” We can better give admonishment when we have created a family culture that is willing to receive. Paul lists receiving teaching and admonishment as an act of worship, right next to singing with gratitude in our hearts for God.
This summer let us agree to move in the direction of stronger homes by creating a culture of healthy and biblical admonishment. Look for those opportunities to both listen and speak up.
